Want to Play A Game

MATT’S POVNôvelDrama.Org holds this content.

I thought making Jessica happy would solve my issues, but I was wrong. The threat only came back to me as they threatened to expose all that I have done. I find that they are probably bluffing, but am I willing to chance it. For some girl that I barely know. I know that she is different from everyone else I have ever met, there’s just something about her that I crave more than anything. Why does she do this to me, why does she satisfy me more than anybody has ever? Fuck how am I going to be able to stay away from her. When she is all that I can think about.

I need to leave if I can’t be with her, I can’t be around her, I need to disappear. I pack my things and I simply just leave. I don’t know how I’m going to go without talking to her, she is like an addiction. That I can’t quit, I want her so badly. I’m questioning if she is worth getting caught. The ecstasy that I feel from her is worth just one more time, one more time even if it means getting exposed.

As I load my jump up and then begin to drive with no destination, I don’t know where I am going, I just need to think what my next move is going to be. If it will be changing everything for her or pretending that she never existed. I know that she is probably wondering where I’m at, but yet, she hasn’t called. I find it very odd that she didn’t call or even text, it has been days since we have talked.

I can’t take it any longer, I need to hear her voice even if it’s her angry at me for living, I just want to hear her just one last time. When I try to call her, it says her number has been disconnected. I become worried that something has happened to her. Is she ok? I need to stop this. Who cares if something happened to her? I need to let her go. She is nothing. I tell myself, repeating it in my head, trying to get myself to accept it.

I know what I need to do to get her off my mind. I see a hotel at the next exit, so I get off the exit. I pull into the hotel not even sure where I’m at or even the name of the hotel, but I don’t care. I need to find someone to satisfy me to get Jessica off of my mind, I need to get rid of her as I go to the bar to pick up anyone I can possibly find to get rid of this feeling I feel. I go up to a woman that I know would be easy to get what I want from her, I try to speak to her, but the words do not come out. As I look at her, and she is smiling waiting for me to say something I can’t, I walk away angrier now than before. I know that there is no possible way that she would satisfy me, even killing her wouldn’t satisfy me. I know what I need, and it’s Jessica.

I’m so angry at myself, how did I allow it to become like this, why would I let myself feel for anyone knowing what the end results can be like. As I have another drink trying to just forget about her, I realize it doesn’t matter how many drinks that I drink, I can’t get her out of my head. What has she done to me, I can’t be this man who only wants her no matter the cost, can I?

As days turn into weeks that I have been away trying to forget about her, but it’s not getting any better, I don’t know how much longer I can stay away. I fight myself every day to go back to her wanting her touch, her taste. Her number has changed . I can’t contact her. I hate not being able to be with her. I’m living in misery.

I’m still at the same hotel not knowing where the hell I’m going,, so I Stay where I’m at until I can figure all this out. I have never been so damn wrapped up in one person. Fuck it, I can’t do this any longer even if it means me getting caught for what I have done in the pass, my obsession with her is over powering. I don’t care what happens I need her, I can’t stay away any longer. I have been away from her long enough. I just hope that she will be able to forgive me just one more time for running away.

I go back to my hotel room to get myself cleaned up and get some sleep then I will be on my way back to her, I can stay away any longer I need her. I can’t do this life without her, even if we can’t be together. I just want to be In her presence. I know that she is just as obsessed with me as I am with her even if she isn’t contacting me, I know it’s true as much as she knows it’s try.

I don’t know what I’m going to do to win her back this time. But what I do know is I am willing to do whatever it takes for me to make it up to her. I wanted to keep my feelings out of it,, but sometimes you can’t help but to fall for someone. I fall head over heels for her, and I think that it’s time for me to tell her, so she knows. She needs to know I have fallen in love with her.  Even if I get caught, at least she will know how I truly feel about her. I think that it’s time that she knows the truth.