Stronger

I felt so displayed and exposed. He had walked away again. I tried to stop from crying but anger, frustration, and vulnerability overflowed.

I sunk to my feet covering my mouth keeping all sounds inside. I let them flow down.

*I’m going to cry. I’m going to be upset. This is not what I wanted. Then I’m going to stand up and make sure he doesn’t

see.

I gasped and pressed my l*ps shut. I cleaned up my face. I dried my hair. This is not what I had expected. This is not what I want.

1

I finished getting myself ready. I put on baggy clothes wanting to forget he’d seen it all and backed away.

He was in Brians’s room when I got out there and I ate my breakfast in silence. Thankfully I did not have to the scorn on his face.

2

I grabbed some of my favorite books from the trunk of the car sitting in my seat and putting in my earbuds turning them up all the way.

I wanted the stories I knew to have a happy ending. I wanted to know if it would all work out for a moment. I would not look at him again. I would not give him an opening to humiliate me.

Resentment, fury, disgust, and embarrassment swilled and stormed chasing around inside of me. I felt like I was suffocating in it all. 1

When we got to the hotel that night I placed a blank card on my face. I would not give away anything.

“Anna?” Ella knocked on the door of my room as we were getting ready to go to dinner.

“Come in,” I took a deep breath and turned to put my hair up halfway to keep it out of my face.

“Are you okay?” she sat down on the bed.

I froze, terrified of what was to follow. He hadn’t. Please tell me he hadn’t.

“Why do you ask?” I closed my eyes trying to stay calm.

“You’ve been so quiet today. I thought you’d be excited we’re finally in Canada. I know we’re barely across the border but.” she shrugged looking at me as if I should explain. “This morning you didn’t say a word and you looked so. Sad or angry I don’t know but you seem upset,”

“I’m fine,” I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could.

*He didn’t tell her. He kept his dismissal of me to himself. *

2

“I won’t tell Grayson if that’s what you’re worried about. He’s my aloha but you’ll be my luna,” she offered.

6

I sighed. “Just missing home,” I falsely responded. Smiling so she bought it.

“You’ll love the pack and they’ll love you. I’m sure that it is hard leaving your home but don’t worry. Let’s eat some good food and then tomorrow you’ll meet your people and you’ll see how wonderful it’ll be,” she hugged me.

It was jive having someone openly care for me. I didn’t realize how used to the affection I was.

“Of course,”

3

It was a steakhouse that night. The men had taken it upon themselves to order the biggest steaks in the house.

I ordered some bull bites and steak medallions with bearnaise sauce and a side of shrimp. The food was wonderful yet again.

I refused to look at him but if he thought I didn’t see his quick and frequent glances my way he was wrong.

*I would not let this go. He had left me there n*ked. How did he expect me to react? *

2

We finished our meal and as we walked up to the room he placed his hand on my back and I moved away from him at

once.

*You don’t get to pretend you didn’t walk away from me like that. In a moment that was pure and happy and intimate‘ and you broke it. *

1

We got into the room and I hurried into the bedroom. I did not want to be anywhere near him. I changed into my pajamas and was crawling into bed when he came into sleep on the couch. Again.

“Annette. I know this morn-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I crawled into bed rolling over and turning off the lights.

“Annette!” he barked. Stomping over and turning the light in again. “I know it was. I wanted. I’m sorry that it happened

I couldn’t control myself,”

“I gathered that you were sorry it happened,” I sat up and looked him in the eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.

He covered his eyes, annoyed with me.” I am trying to be respectful I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,”

“Did I look uncomfortable! Don’t pretend that you’re trying to be respectful. I don’t know what it is that’s stopping you but if you can’t do something don’t start something. You have no idea how I felt after you left. I’m sorry that this is so hard for you but until you can recognize it’s hard for me you can refrain from speaking to me and being anywhere near me!” I got up and walked out of the room and decided to stay with Ella that night.

1

She had heard me yelling so she accepted me with a hug and put on a rom–com.

I covered myself in the blankets and snuggled in and she sat next to me. I knew she wanted to say something. It probably wasn’t easy to see your leaders argue when they had just found each other but she was mindful and stayed quiet only talking about the movie.

We woke up and ate together, Grayson keeping a distance as I asked.

As we were getting ready I think enough time had passed and her resolves had faded.

“He doesn’t trust easily and he takes his role very seriously. He lives his life for the pack and we all are lucky to have him. I know it’s a hard task but if you give him time I know he will realize what a fool his is,”

2

I nodded in return. I knew she wanted the best for us and she cared about him. Grayson evoked strong loyalty out of everyone I had met so far and that was a good sign of his character. I just couldn’t understand why that didn’t apply to me as well.

The final trips went much like the others; the only difference was the cars were now jeeps. The road to his pack was over some rocks to keep out humans.

We didn’t speak and now I slept in Ella’s room. I still spoke with everyone else and I sat next to him on the car rides but a void had been created growing by the day.

When we turned off the road after the last two days of travel he finally spoke.

“I know you want your space but we will be arriving soon and the road is going to get bumpy, you might want to be prepared for some jostling,” He softly warned me with a very different manner.

“I’ll be okay,” I still didn’t look at him but I wasn’t hostile.

Then we started going up. At first, it was a simple incline, and then Brian went over rocks. The rocks turned into boulders and the car jolted me and slamming my head into the headrest.

“Ah!” shrieked gripping whatever I could find.

Grayson gripped my hand. “It’s almost over,”

It was a small gesture, I was still angry, and I knew he was still holding back, but I needed it.

A few more large bumps and we started going down again and a gate was in the headlights.

I exhaled a deep breath of relief and took my hand back so he wouldn’t first.

1

A large gate was before us. It was the only thing in front besides more rocks and trees.

*It’s definitely well protected. *

The get opened and we went through the focus and eventually, it opened to trees and then open fields but trees still lined the road.

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I couldn’t see the end of the fields. His lands stretched far beyond what I thought. I looked out the window intently.

Finally, log cabins and buildings came into view. Barns with numerous animals roaming and a plethora of glass greenhouses. Trimmed rows of crops. Large beds of flowers were in front of every home. In the middle was a circle with fountain and garden. There was a pavilion to one side with great tables under it. To another, there was a path to the houses and fields. Across from that, there was a path to what I assumed was the training grounds because there was a range beside it. In front of the circle, there was a red brick building that looked clinical so I supposed it was their clinic.

People flocked out of their homes to the car and I felt like a fish in a bowl.

They made way for us and smiled and waved and children screamed greetings to me.

We pulled to a stop and I slowly unbuckled myself and stepped out.

“Welcome,”