Contract Marriage: I’ve Always Loved You

Steve’s P. O. V.

It’s been a few days since the twins’ welcome party. The dance with Grace that night it’s forever etched in my memory. It was such a blissful moment. And now, it’s been almost three weeks since Grace reentered my life, bringing along our two bundles of joy. With each passing day, I’m trusting Grace more and more. She has truly changed herself.

I’m not angry with her anymore. Actually, when I reflect on our past, I have realised that it wasn’t entirely her fault for not telling me about her pregnancy. I never made her feel like I truly cared for her, and I never made an effort to truly understand her on a deeper level.

So, as much as she was at fault, I was at fault as well. Somewhere, I feel I was more at fault because when she left me, during our separation, I used to claim that I loved her, that I would be there for her, and that I just wanted to meet her. But when I met her, what did I do? I blamed her.

It was so foolish of me that instead of engulfing her in my arms and showering her with all my love; I behaved like a jerk. I feel like I messed up because I claimed to be in love, but if I truly love her, then I should have confessed it to her by now, rather than expressing it through my gestures.

But I’ve just realised that love should be expressed in words. As poetic as it may sound that love can be felt, it’s true, but that’s not enough. If you’re truly in love, express it, and make the effort.

However, now I’ll waste no more time. I’m going to confess to her how much she truly means to me before it’s too late. She has changed so much; she has become softer with everyone around her and has started understanding other people’s points of view, which only makes me fall for her even harder than before.

I love her with all her flaws, but witnessing her transformation in such a positive way deepens my love for her even further.

The entire day at the office, her face and her smile kept flashing in my mind. All I want now is to go to her, embrace her in my arms, and tell her how much I love and miss her.

As soon as I finish my work at the office, I head straight home to meet her. I want to express my feelings to her without delay.

However, as I enter my room, a scene in front of me shatters the image I had of Grace’s transformation. I see her yelling at Olivia with the same tone and harshness she once used for the maids and servants in the house.

I’m taken aback.

Grace growls, “Just shut up and get lost. I don’t want to hear anything.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Fucking get lost.” As Grace shouts, Olivia leaves in tears, uttering apologies that fall on deaf ears.

My heart sinks. I feel disappointed, and I can’t shake off the realisation that perhaps Grace hasn’t changed at all.

Was her entire transformation just an act to stay with the twins?

I thought she had changed. It hurts so deeply that I forget I have to confess my feelings to her.

Confess my feelings to whom? The woman who can do anything for her purpose. I can’t believe I trusted her so easily. I feel so stupid.

Why the fuck every time I let her hurt me? Why?

‘You’ll regret supporting this woman as I had regretted in the past. Mark my words.’ Dad’s words echo in my ear, and I feel lumps in my throat. I feel like it’s a nightmare.

As Grace’s eyes fall on me, she composes herself and approaches me, “Steve-”

Before she can say something, I utter, my voice broken and filled with disappointment. “I thought you had changed, Grace. But you’re still the same, shouting at the servant without any reason.”

“Steve, it’s not what you think. I-” She tries to explain, but stops as I show my hand to her.

“I don’t want to hear a word. I believed you were changing, but now I see it was just an act. You’re still the same.” Her eyes widen upon listening to my words.

This time, I won’t let her manipulate me. Fuck! I feel so hurt. How can I let her hurt me every fucking time?

She pleads, “Steve, please listen. It’s not what you think. I was just-”

I cut her off, my tone harsh and unforgiving. “Grace, I know you were just pretending like you always do. I was an idiot to believe that you had become a better person.”

“Steve, stop it. Let me explain to you, please.” She entangles her tiny finger with mine, fixing her eyes on me. For a second, I feel like to trust her again. Maybe I’m thinking wrong.

Hell, no! It’s enough. I can’t let myself hurt because of her. Not anymore.

I disentangle our fingers, glaring at her. “Grace, you don’t have to pretend that you have changed. After knowing your truth, I’ll still let you stay with our babies because I’m not like you that I’ll separate babies from their parents.”

As tears trickle down her cheeks, my heart aches. I feel like wiping her tears and telling her what she means to me.

No, no! These are fake tears. You can’t fall for this, Steve.

I make my heart of stone and decide not to fall for her crocodile tears.

“Steve, please listen. It’s not what you think. I was just-”

I turn away and storm out, slamming the door without giving her a chance to finish because I know that if I stand in front of her, her eyes, her face, and her expressions will again melt my heart, even though I know it’s all acting, totally fake.

As I walk away, I can’t shake the feeling that my father was right. His warnings echo in my mind, ‘You’ll regret trusting her, son.’

Tears roll down my cheeks. I feel so broken, and I’m really regretting trusting her. A woman like Grace can never change. My dreams have been shattered again. How could I have been so blind, so foolish, to believe that she had truly changed?

As I replay every moment with Grace, I question if any of it was real. The laughter we shared, the tender moments with our newborn twins-all of it feels fake now after knowing it was all just a carefully constructed lie.

I’m utterly devastated by the realisation that I’ve been holding onto hope for a version of Grace that doesn’t exist, a version that only lives in my imagination. Every piece of my heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces.

***

In the days that follow, I deliberately choose to ignore Grace, shutting her out completely. I can’t let her affect me. I know I love her, but I can’t let her play with my feelings, not anymore.

When I get back from work every evening, I take the twins to my father’s room to spend time with them to distract myself. My little munchkins’ laughter and playful babbling become a temporary escape from the pain I’m feeling. I watch them, forgetting the disappointment and hurt that Grace has caused.

Grace looks desperate to talk, but I stay firm in my decision to stay silent. The hurt runs deep, and the trust we had feels broken beyond repair. I embrace the silence as a shield, protecting myself from more heartache.

But deep down, despite all my efforts to distance myself from her or distract myself to avoid her, she still affects me. Yes, her mere existence does. Because I am genuinely and wholeheartedly in love with her.

I know that if I talk to her, my heart will melt again at the sight of her tears, even though I know they are fake. She’ll fool me again with her acting of being a kind woman. I just can’t let her hurt me again.

My father, observing my distressed state, says, “Steve, I warned you about her. Sometimes, people don’t change.”

I just stay silent. A part of me still wishes for a different reality-for the woman I thought Grace could become.

As the days pass, I find myself caught in a struggle between the desire to believe in her and the painful reality unfolding before me.

Playing with the twins gives me a break from the pain I’m going through, however it still hurts me. I just can’t ignore Grace because I love her, and that’s why her actions hurt me every fucking time.

One evening, when I return from the office, I smile as I see Grace talking with the babies, who giggle and gurgle lying in their lounger. The joy on their faces, the way they respond to their mother-it’s a beautiful sight.

Every time I see Grace, I fall for her, and it feels like I shouldn’t ignore her. But the pain intensifies when I recall how she shouted at Olivia.

No matter how hard I try to remain strong, her presence keeps pulling me at my heartstrings, bringing back memories of the woman I fell in love with, the one who was changing for the better. It feels like a battle between my love for her and the anguish her actions have caused.

As Grace feels my presence, she looks at me with hope in her eyes that I’ll respond to her. “Steve.”

I resist the urge to respond, shielding my emotions. The twins, feeling the change in the air, fix their curious gaze on me.

Grace hesitates before speaking. “Steve, can we talk? Please. It’s been a week. I miss you.”

I look at her, the pain in her eyes evident. A part of me softens, and I’m about to take a step forward towards her, but my subconscious reminds me that I’m making a stupid decision and falling into her trap.

I can’t. Because the wounds are still fresh, and I can’t easily let go of the hurt.

Without answering to her, I walk towards the twins and lift them into my arms. Their innocent smiles distract me from the inner chaos for a few seconds.

As I head to my father’s room with the twins, Grace speaks up, her voice firm. “Enough, Steve. If I’m staying quiet, it doesn’t mean you’ll keep ignoring me.”

I don’t respond, determined to maintain my silence.

“That day I shouted at Olivia because-” Grace starts, but I tighten my grip on the twins and continue to walk in the corridors, not giving her a chance to explain.

“I won’t let you go like this today. You must listen to me. I have given you enough time.” She steps in front of me, her eyes filled with anger and pain, but I try to bypass her.

“That day, she applied expired cream on the babies, and seeing the rashes on them, I lost my temper. I’m sorry if I did something wrong. Just please stop ignoring me.” A sob escapes her mouth, shattering my heart.

And her words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I stop in my tracks. The twins wriggle in my arms, feeling the tension.

Fuck! I want to kill myself right now. Why didn’t I listen to her that day? Why do I always end up hurting her? And why is it so difficult to trust her? I shouldn’t have overreacted.

After composing herself, she stands in front of me. “You’re not always right, Mr. Steve Grey. And if you truly care for me, why did you never ask me why I used to shout at servants without a reason? Did you ever ask, Steve, why I was rude to them?” She looks at me with defiance, waiting for me to answer.

I open my mouth, but close it because I’m not understanding what I should say to her. I’m such a terrible person who always hurts the person he loves the most.

Fuck! That night, I desired to understand her, yet instead, I misinterpreted her intentions once more. Well done, Mr Steve Grey. Well done.

“Now, why are you not saying anything? Now speak something? Say something, Steve.” She stares directly into my eyes, her eyes spitting fire. “I’m not a maniac who will hate or shout at someone without reason. Never judge a book by its cover, Mr. Grey. Never!”

After such a long time, I’m encountering her anger once more. I must speak up; remaining silent is no longer an option. I need to make amends for my mistakes.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

I stumble over my words. “Gra-Grace I’m-I’m so-so-sorry that I mis-misunderstood you.”

She lets out a painful chuckle. “No, Steve, keep your sorry to yourself. I don’t need it. Now I have understood that no matter what I do, you’ll never trust me. You’ll never forget the Grace I was before. You’ll always misunderstand me.”

Her words sting, and for the first time, I’m left speechless.

As she walks away, I stand there, realising that I’ve been too quick to judge her. And I question myself: why do I never ask her why she is like this? Why?

I have seen in her eyes the extent of the hurt I’ve caused, far beyond what I could have imagined. But now, I am prepared to make amends. No matter what it takes, I will win her heart and discover everything about her. Most importantly, I will never misunderstand her again. Never.