Because Of Love

Naturally he denied it vehemently. He was Rafael DeLuca II, he didn’t have panic attacks. There was nothing wrong with his sanity, but he knew deep down that it was a possibility. The shame that came from that drove him to adopt his old pastime. Needing a distraction, he bedded every willing woman he could get his hands on, hoping that with each girl, he would find some escape, a way to forget the cage that was his life and his failing mental state. Just for a little while, he wanted to feel carnal pleasure, dopamine that would keep him high for as long as he needed it before his next fix. But that soon stopped working, then his dick followed suit. He could only conclude that his penis was tired of the faceless and easy vagina diving. With a deprecating smile he admitted to himself – now he was able to admit that – that hadn’t been the reason. Whatever he had been looking for in all those random nights, he hadn’t found it, that is, until Talia McKenna.

Why was she different? he wondered, twirling around the glass of brandy in his hand, the circular ice cube clinking against the crystal.

“Rafe, did you hear me?” Angelo’s demanding voice pulled him back to the present. “And? What happened?”

Rafe cleared his throat and sat up on the couch then answered, “And nothing.”

“Damn,” he said, the disappointment distinct in his voice. “I had hoped… maybe it’s time you spoke to a shrink. I know you don’t want to… but cogino, this could get worse if we don’t nip it in the bud now.”

Rafe had wanted to tease him a bit, but he didn’t like the direction this was going. The dire sound of his voice sobered him too. Angelo was afraid Rafe would suffer a complete mental breakdown if he didn’t seek help. But a shrink wasn’t what Rafe needed, it was a break from his life. From his family to be exact, and the mounting pressures his father kept heaping on him. It’s a well-known fact that Rafe was a better businessman than him. His dealings were above the table, whilst his father’s success was thanks to years of underhanded deals that Rafe had found himself cleaning up in recent years. With each black-hand that was exposed, his respect and admiration for the old man took a hit. Senior had once been Rafe’s hero, everything he had ever wanted to become. Then the day he had been longing for arrived, the day he would finally be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with his hero. Disappointment weighed heavily in his chest, a pinch compared to the hit he received when he finally stepped into the ring, only to find it was nothing but a pig’s sty. Now, he was everything Rafe didn’t want to be: detested, afraid of becoming and to be honest, that was when the crack on the wall began. His shaken foundation made him want to prove that, unlike his father, he was no hoax. He was no imposter, that he was the real deal.

“You know, more businessmen are looking after their mental health. It’s not a stigma anymore. Just look at all the mental health businesses that have popped up in the last few years.” Angelo went on passionately in his campaign.

“I think we both know my problem goes beyond myself.” Though he admired his dedication, Rafe preferred that he put the subject to rest. He shifted uncomfortably on the couch, scratching the itch under his chin with his free hand as his patience grew strung.

Angelo sighed heavily over the phone. “I was hoping this distance would prove beneficial but-”

“Nothing happened with that girl,” Rafe cut in impatiently.

A long pause followed and the tightness at the back of Rafe’s head released.

“What? Are you saying something happened with another girl?”

His lips pulled in a smug smile over his face. “Her name is Talia. Merder, is she a breath of fresh air,” he admitted unabashedly.

“Do tell,” Angelo’s singsong voice urged.

“Everyone these days has a façade about them but not her. She’s just her. She doesn’t put up pretenses and she’s a straight shooter.” Rafe noticed the whimsical tone his voice had gotten, like a teen with a crush on the girl next door. Quite frankly, he didn’t care. Talia was… everything wonderful under the sun.

“You sound like you like her. Did you sleep with her?”Nôvel(D)rama.Org's content.

Rafe grunted his assent. “I would still be there if she hadn’t kicked me out. She has reservations about us.”

Rafe understood he hadn’t exactly taken the traditional route of courting her when it came to their relationship, but she came at a time when he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He’d just run away from his wedding plans, having another noose latched on him wasn’t something he went out actively looking for. Talia just happened to him, a good happening. He couldn’t help but feel like she was sent to him by a greater power to resolve his issues by setting him on a new path. Since her arrival in his life, after years of uncertainty and months of internal conflict, he’d finally made a decision about his own life. One Senior had no influence on. Rafe prided himself in his ability to make quick decisions with little hesitation but this huddle – no, it was no huddle it was more like being stuck at the bottom of the Grand Canyon and the isolation was literally driving him mental, but no longer. He was climbing out of that cold dark hole and he was going to start by cutting the string his father had plugged in his back. That meant he had to go back to the place he’d run from. An unease settled over him and he took another sip from his brandy glass.

No one ever said change was easy. Rafe believed he would be able to handle the windfall. It was Talia he needed to protect.

“Rafe, maybe this isn’t the best time to be in a relationship.” Though he didn’t sigh, his voice was heavy with the weight of it and one other thing. Skepticism.

That itch under his chin started again. “What do you mean?”

“So your dick responds to her, great, but what about her?”

“Angelo, get to the point,” he demanded gruffly.

“She’s nothing but a distraction and she knows it. Why else would she kick you out? And I bet you know it too.”

No, Rafe had never looked at her as the kind of distraction Angelo was referring to. To his work, yes, he couldn’t keep his mind from wandering when she was in the same room with him, especially if she sat next to him. He’ll admit to that, but to his problems no. There was something about her that just called him to her and he refused to minimize it to nothing but a hormonal reaction. A shield from reality. She was too real for him to regard as a passing fancy. He’d had several of those and she wasn’t it. She was no stop over, she was the end of his wandering journey. He didn’t know how or why he just knew that with her, all his restlessness would calm like the sun rays reflected on the early morning dew after a stormy night. He cherished her. Rafe had been worried about protecting her from his problems from the moment he acknowledged his attraction to her.

“It’s not like that,” he protested vehemently.

“You’ll say that until the day you get tired of her,” Angelo stated wryly, and that pissed Rafe off.

“I’m not using her,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

“Then keep your dick out of the equation and think about it.”

Ow, how he wished it was that easy. Rafe was too attracted to her not to kiss her, to touch her, to have her in his arms and make love to her. But sadly, the gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach told him Angelo was right. This was why Talia didn’t believe him when he said he wanted her and not sex. He had been ready to prove it. Though to be fair, her dirty dancing with that idiot at the club had turned him into a jealous animal needing to not to claim but mark her as his.

“I sleep,” he quickly added, a little too desperately.

“Without the sleeping pills?” he asked warily.

“Yes,” he rasped eagerly, a hope for understanding budding in his chest. “Even before the sex, when I held her in my arms I slept. Days after, even without her I slept better than I have in years. She’s no distraction.”

“She’s medication then,” he immediately retorted blandly.

“Angelo!” Rafe shouted into the phone, exasperated.

“For some reason, you let your guard down around her. You’re a guarded person Rafe, hence why you prefer spending your time out in the ocean, alone, every chance you get. That was therapy for you. I think you’ve spent so much time of your life trying not to get screwed over, even with your own family that your trust issues developed into an anxiety disorder.”

Yeah, he understood that. It happens when a childhood hero becomes a villain. He had built his entire identity around his father, and now he was paying for that faux pas.

“You taking a class in psychology, or is your current flame a shrink?”

“The latter,” he admitted a little too smugly, then his voice took a grim note. “But Rafe, your father isn’t just going to go away and let you live your life in peace in your new happy bubble.”

No, he was the monster who fed on happiness to replenish his greed. Another thing he discovered too late in life. His father’s misdeeds were way too much baggage to carry in one lifetime.

“Once he finds out, your new medication will be in trouble.”

“The hell I’m going to let that happen,” he bit out, the promise to protect the one good thing in his messed up life burned inside him like an inferno.